Sapphic Cinema: Love, Loss and Love Again in My Fiona

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My Fiona is the latest lesbian and bi woman centered indie film to bless our screens. It is a story about love and loss, and finding your sexuality during a time of intense grief.

The main character, Jane, finds herself at a complete loss after the death of her business partner and best friend, Fiona. We come to find out that Fiona has committed suicide. She left the office telling Jane she would “be right back.” This added layer becomes a common theme throughout the film, and Jane finds herself bonding with Fiona’s wife, Gemma.

Death is no stranger to My Fiona. In January of 2021, Jeanette Maus (who played Jane) passed away tragically from cancer. As the cast and crew mourn the loss of Jeanette, My Fiona hits on Jane’s relationship with death as well as her sudden sexual awakening. The director of the film, Kelly Walker, actually pulled a lot of inspiration for the film from her own personal experience.

“I had been frustrated with the lack of our stories portrayed on screen and in my journey of celebrating my sexuality, I grappled with the fact that it wasn’t an ‘aha’ moment and it took a long time to voice and stand behind the feelings I had within,” Walker said.  

Essentially, Walker is referencing how Jane came to realize she might just be bisexual. The movie follows Jane’s life, as she is experiencing the intense grief that comes with losing a loved one. Jane, to her knowledge, had always been straight and had broken up most recently with a long-term boyfriend. After Fiona’s passing, Jane offered to help Gemma take care of their son, as Jane knew she needed a babysitter. Gemma reluctantly agreed and Jane became an even bigger staple in her life. While things do take a rocky turn when Jane starts to parent their son and Gemma gets defensive, they eventually find their way back to each other, almost becoming a little family.

While on a trip to visit Fiona’s mother, Gemma and Jane are sharing a bedroom and smoking pot together. One thing leads to another, and the two end up having sex. For Jane, this is the first time she has ever had sex with a woman, and like Katy Perry, she liked it. Like Walker said from her personal experience, she didn’t have an “aha” moment, and it was instead something she took a long time to process and come to. For Jane, she was very confused after this night together, and ended up talking to her ex-boyfriend (who’s a therapist) about it. He tells Jane that for Gemma and herself, they are each small pieces of Fiona, and that they were bonding over that fact.

What happens between Jane and Gemma is bonding grief. Bonding grief is based on your brain chemicals, but the short version is this: when you lose a loved one, especially if it happens suddenly, your brain looks to form bonds with remnants of that person or with what you lost because of their presence being gone. Gemma and Jane were the closest people to Fiona, and when they lose her, they gained each other, as parts of Fiona remain within each of them. However, with bonding grief, it is recommended not to replace the person who has passed right away, as humans need time to heal the pain and resulting chemical imbalance left after the loss of a loved one. Basically, don’t let yourself rebound right away, as it can cause long term damage. However, this is exactly what Jane and Gemma do; they almost immediately form a bond to each other that would otherwise not have been there, and 6-months later it buds into a relationship.

When Jane and Gemma find out that Fiona was on anti-depressants that can cause suicidal ideations, they start playing the blame game with one another. Gemma reminds Jane that she was Fiona’s wife, and not the other way around. This argument tentatively breaks up their relationship, which highlights how intense bonding grief can be. While Jane and Gemma really needed to be together to help each other through their mutual loss, it all begins to unravel when they begin to realize exactly why they got together in the first place. However, My Fiona always shows how this bond can form the rawest, truest love. Jane and Gemma do love each other, and they are family forever. As they move on in their lives, they still find their way back together, because of the light that Fiona held in them. This duality of love and loss, and looking into the eyes of someone who was so interconnected with your loved one you lost, yet somehow falling in love with them despite it all… is what makes My Fiona an intricate mirror of the human design. It’s a must watch!

For more information on My Fiona, you can head to their website: https://myfionafilm.com

The post Sapphic Cinema: Love, Loss and Love Again in My Fiona appeared first on AfterEllen.

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